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While we must be “showing the ability” to act independently to meet our goals, our secure attachments want to see us succeed—they want to watch how we’re able to take care of our own goals, but they also need emotional comfort when they’re unsure of the road they wish to follow.
in.i.ti.a.tive noun
1. Showing the ability to act independently to achieve something.
2. A plan conceived to achieve something.
I’m curious where you sit with initiative in your life. When you take a moment to think about goals you have, or goals you set in the past, were you successful at achieving them? One of the primary struggles correlated with acting on initiative involves persistence and overcoming barriers to our success.
What are the setbacks, things “that get in the way” of you fulfilling that goal and building the efficacy to continue to build initiative? When we as humans rely entirely on the influence of our environments and the relationships around us, we can find ourselves living under a passive approach— primarily doing what you’re told and relying on the demands of others and the environment.
Relying solely on passive approaches can be useful, even necessarily, in self-reliant spaces—for ex. We might be required to take on additional training as a counselor, and we are actually required to complete 18 credit courses each year to meet the needs for our licensure renewal. When we build enough passion for something, and we gain the knowledge we need for success in that area, we will feel a sense of accomplishment, met with joy, happiness, or contentment, to name a few.
On the other hand, the difference with personal initiative is that we can learn to manage our own environments and maintain certainty in times of distress or stress related to achieving our goals.
The reason I bring up the topic of initiative today is because we are also reliant on building successful, safe and secure, relationships with our loved ones. While there are indefinite moments where we are challenged to face issues together, we must build the initiative to share our vulnerability— the challenge is met with anxiety, fear, hurt, loneliness, shame, guilt, and we can turn to our partners, family member or friends and share our struggle and ask for support.
One of our vital goals as couples’ counselors, for example, is to help clients learn to turn towards one another and help each other understand what the other person is trying to communicate, what might be getting in the way of being vulnerable or acknowledge if the relationship is really safe for them.
Like goals at work and in our education (initiative involves continued education and knowledge pertaining to meeting the standards or goals of the environment), initiative in relationships involves similar demands for repair and resolve during times of miscommunication or distancing. The truth is, it happens, but our hearts must be open to acknowledging where we can grow in our relationships, and then develop a plan to help turn to our partner or help them meet their own emotional needs as well.
When falling short of initiative, we sometimes need the comfort of our partners. We don’t want to rely entirely on the solutions or answers they might have for us. Instead, we want to communicate our struggle (our unsureness, ambiguity, doubt, etc.) and lean towards them for discussion about those struggles and a conversation about how you can help each other when you’re unsure of which direction to go in to meet your goals.
While we must be “showing the ability” to act independently to meet our goals, our secure attachments want to see us succeed—they want to watch how we’re able to take care of our own goals, but they also need emotional comfort when they’re unsure of the road they wish to follow.
I believe that we can look at the work we do with relationships as a sense of emotional initiative, in attuning to our partners struggles and finding comfort through expressing our feelings and sharing our emotions in a safe and secure manner. If you’re look for help, needing a space to build initiative in turning to your partner when you’re unsure, please reach out and schedule an appointment with us today.
Thanks