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Before I Walk the Aisle - Premarital Counseling

Here, I want to share with you a few different benefits that can be cultivated if you choose to work through issues early on in your relationship with your partner.


We've seen the Hollywood romance genre and how it conveys "love at first sight" and "soulmate" connection. When we watch films like The Notebook or Forrest Gump, we see how different relationships pan out when two lovers find each other in times of great distress or shortcomings.

When we look at recent findings, more than forty percent of couples who are engaged and make their vows for eternal love end up divorcing. When we take these numbers, and we tie in couples who are likely to consider premarital counseling prior to initiating their vows, forty-four percent of couples will agree to marriage counseling, in order to prepare themselves for the next level of commitment in their lives. A very encouraging finding is that newer studies are sharing how 70-80% of couples who attend marriage counseling feel successful bonding with one another.

Like in EFT, in the years of research between couples delving into their insecure cycles of connection, the APA found in 2017 that there is a 75% chance of couples building a secure attachment with their partners in couples therapy.

At times in our lives, we look at the time we get to know someone as the telling factor of success in the relationship. On the other hand, what we believe as couples therapists is that two individuals, both willing to engage on an emotionally vulnerable level, can build a safe attunement to one another if they choose to stay together. Making the commitment to marry your partner can be terrifying or worrisome, especially if you're considering prior engagements, relationship downfalls, or fear built up from other relationship losses.

Here, I want to share with you a few different benefits that can be cultivated if you choose to work through issues early on in your relationship with your partner:

  1. Decision and Disagreement - You can find so many different similarities with your partner. Maybe you both enjoy a good horror film -- maybe you even enjoy cheesy, romantic comedies! The reality of disagreement might set in the first time you hear your partner wants to plan something together, but what they desire doesn't feel comfortable to you. Maybe you work through topics in your mind about having children, the possibility of travel, or ways to produce income and maintain a household. It's easy to delve into the delight of romance, and we can easily lose sight of the cycles we can get caught in when we leave certain issues unaddressed. While it may not touch on all the topics possible, premarital counseling can help couples understand emotional struggles that can arise when issues are present.

  2. Understand your Partner More - How nice would it be to understand that anytime you or your partner are struggling emotionally, you know you can trust the other to be there for support? Premarital couples counseling, such as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, helps engage partners on an emotionally intimate level. Even conversations of sex or physical intimacy can drive home the realities of how close you are to your partner on a deeper level. When you can see the vulnerable side of your partner, that can even be shut off from past experiences, you can help heal one another!

  3. Better Sex Life - Without too much context, Dr. Sue Johnson entails her experience working with couples through situations of sex and intimate exploration. She divides the various insecure attachment styles and how they actually effect the sexual relationship between partners. This can ultimately help couples understand one another in prior attachment experiences and cultivate a closer connection with one another.

  4. Making Time for Each Other - In relationships, we can get caught into our careers, experiences being parents, or maintaining a household, and lose sight of time with our partners. We hear different experiences working with various couples from different backgrounds. When you work through couples therapy, you can determine how you can be eluded to this when you're focused so heavily on other factors of your life. It's important to make space for one another and build rituals of connection.

  5. Building Resiliency - How quickly will we bounce back from a tough situation? I think the ultimate prize for couples therapy, in models like EFT, is the goal of building awareness around our emotional reactions and understanding how to approach this in a situation where we've upset or pushed our partner, or ourselves, away. When you build resiliency, you're attuning to yourself and learning to bounce back quickly when you're caught in that insecure cycle with one another.

Thanks for reading our blog! I really want to create this continued resource to tap into questions, concerns, or ideas that those in relationships might be thinking about when they're deciding to pursue or continue an attachment with someone special.

There are various resources, like those published by Dr. Sue Johnson for couples working through tough battles within their relationship, or marriage. If you're looking for some of these resources, you can visit our 'resources' page here:

If you're looking for support in your relationship, or maybe you're exploring the option of premarital counseling, please reach out and schedule an appointment with us here.

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